yahhooooo!!!! i'm happy now!! noe wat tomolo my couzin is giving me the money.... duit senoman la.... damn! cant believe its 500 bucks... wow! instant cash huh! for now only ah.... weeeeeee!!!! huuurrayyy!!!! *grinning* i'm going to get myself bz with tat money... muahhahahaha.....

today, i meet up with my fren... passing him his cd... den lead down to jp... since i've been craving for bubble-tea... i bought the honey milk tea... proceed straight to library.... go under self-development section... i looked up on books related with love... hehehe.. i jus love the topic on relationship or love... while browsing thru, i sms my dear.... hehehe... disturb him while sleeping... hahahha... sowie... den reached home... do some washing... yah jus my grandma cloths took up 2 hr... damn! now my clothes have to be wash tomolo... do nothing... oh yah i did watched the soccer match.. Tanjong Pagar vs Geylang United... the match itself was kind of weak.. but ok la... at least TP managed to get a score rather than nothing... haiz....

tomolo is a public holiday... n i dunno whether going to go out or not... my mum asking me out... but instead i want to go out with the others... i dunno.... damn! my mind cant stop thinking on wat to buy... urgh!!! cant had enouf... actually previously my mind been thinking abt sumone in the past... rather not satisfide still... i dun want to say it noe la eh.... wait till i'm out of my happy mood....

So to ppl out there....

HAPPY LABOUR DAY

.... Enjoy urself this weekend... take care... chau chin chee....

ok.... today i'm the most luckyest n happiest person... y?... i got to meet my fellow school mate... n more i got to meet up with my secondary school guy friend, hussain...
k i did went to school... hehehe.. i meet a'ah ard 11.45 at the bustop... hehhe.. been a long time never take bus from there... wow! waited for the bus for abt half n hour... i gues even more... while waiting we chit chat... damn! i seems to miss alot seh... but nvm... meet lisa in the bus... she now have to go to skul early... coz receive letter abt the attendance... wel i haven receive it yet... moment i get it... it will be a OMG!... we were laughing.. asking question... talking nasty... hehehe...as usual cheecky girls talk... den we proceed back to school... but then we never go to klas... but yet we go to the libraby... jus to feel the coolness of air-con... after a certain minute, we meet up with the rest... damn! the moment i saw their face, i could feel the missing piece is being complete... especially looking at sumone face... the smile... damn! i miss that... while the rest proceed tot eh classroom, the cheecky girls n the guys went to the hall... listening to the band... yah some people r jamming for this student council thingy... thats where i got to meet with hussain... wow! i miss him most... seeing his cute n hansem face, damn, melts me... gues wat i run to him seh... damn! really miss him huh!... den we went back to the classroom... this time is the ITF lesson... computer as usual... yah teacher was shocked to see me... helllo.. its been 2 week i never been to skul... so need to do the project la... that stupid front page... n yah not forgetting the CTS scenerio script... haiz.... luckily, ms lim is not demanding to much... n not nagging for my MIA...

after school, went taking photo that being developed... oh yah... the bus i took back home was farking hot... i was sweating... the weather was farking humid siak... rushed back home... changed n quickly meet my mum for religious class... heheheh.... the lesson today, was rather a ok... n usual me... keep on eating n drinking... non-stop... until my mum shook her head... hehehe... next tuesday there's this sembayang munajat... its sembayang hajat, sembayang taubat, n wateva sembayang related... i heard it good... its going to be held at Masjid Mujahiddin(i gues that how it being spell out)... so any interested parties... hehehe.. damn! i'm like promoting seh.... but yah la i'm actually doing tis sincerely... jus asking people to participate too...

k la i'm kind of tired... of yah i read su's blog... n surprise to noe that we finish skul on 21 May.... it going to be a HIP HIP HURRAY!!!!! the day i've been waiting for... muahahahaha......

hmmmm... not another thingy where i have to take out again... damn! i hate being force to pull it out... hello!!! its my blog... i adore u... ur reason wat? thats the most expensive pic in town... woooooo!!!! i should be proud of it... argh!!! nvm... jus for ur sake, i'll take it out... anything la for you!!!! happy........!!!

my day today was rather boring... body been aching for days... haiz....

yesterday nite, i was kind of pissed off... y?due to sumthing... moment of argh!!! hmmm... memories starts to come back wen he started to sing MEMORI SEKUNTUM RINDU... damn!! u noe wat i do actually... i put the handset far from my ear... give an estimation den get back on line... i almost cry siak!! actually i did already ah... coz my tears start to form in the eyes... but only it didnt roll down the cheeks... aiyah... nvm la.... not a big deal nway...

can't be talking much... coz people will start to noe... n people will get the shame... EVENTHOUGH its my own bloody farking blog....

my body still aching due to yesterday... i did kendarat @ su's place... damn! the place was crowded... n the work is being multiply... wow!! tak leh tasyan... got to meet lots of people... the ite guys... especially WANDY...woohoo!! *heats up* their performance was great... first time i sit down with the dikir guys... hehehe... but ok la... towards the ending... wen the majlis finish, i help the guys to washt eh dishes... hehehe... surprise or not... girls wash dishes in a wedding celebration... heheh.. yah i did it... fun... loving it... first time in life i do that in a wedding... my pants was wet... n thats make me lazy to go home on my own... so decided to ask my dad to pick me up... n thx to him, my frens are back home safely... yah we sent them home...

oh yah... gues who i saw on my way back..... RUDY... wow! that guy have been on MIA for too long... n finally got to meet him... hehehehe... actually never talk pun... he with his frens... so dun bother la...

back home, wow! my head want to explode... one hell of a headache... i tot after taking shower, it would be ok.. but sad to say, it worsen the pain... the moment i get back home till i sleep, i kol him... i was online la with him... i keep on complaining to him i got headache... n more feel like vomitting... argh!!! sakit siak!! i jus love wen i'm sick n n got to here his voice.. he will keep on asking whether i'm ok or not... hehehe... but he still laugh wen i keep on making a manje voice... nvm... suddenly in middle of the conversation, overheard his mum talking to him... for a moment, i felt the ouch... but nvm... lucky got him who manage to change my mindset... n hearing all that actually the pain worsen... stress lah!! he even said i stress too much... yah la stress abt him la... hehehehe...

n now, i did go to skul again... actually feel like going... but body to lazy la... i really mizzzz my fellow mates... i really do... to my friends if you're reading this, I MISS YOU ALL SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH... ok ok... plan for the day... fitrah n firman ask me n faz out... just chill ard... damn!! dun feel like... but nvm.... i cant be sitting at home for long... adding more now i got money in pocket... woooo!!! oh yah... early in the morning already thinking of going out with him... want to catch a movie... told him already... but he got test tomolo... so he need to revise for it... nvm dear... next time ok!!... promise eh!!!... k la .. i need to get ready for later... bye.. chau chin chee....

uuuhhh!!! i LOVE this song... n sumhow it reminds me of my couzin, chitra... i miss here... the part " I think i love you baby, I think I love you too... " thats our favourite part... n thats y we make this our theme songs... yah each n every one of my couzins have a theme song for each other... isnt it great!

wel i really had a good great sleep yesterday... that make me wake up at 1pm today... damn! imagine how tired i am?... this whole week i never went to skul... so let me tell u wat i've been doing for the past days...

on monday itself, my couzin n aunty going back to kl from my place... in the morning, hae to wake up early in the morning coz my mum want to bring my aunty go for breakfast... yah we went to our family favourite hangout "Alif Restaraunt"... hehehe... its just a coffee shop at Bukit Gombak area... from there we proceed on to IMM building... for wat also i dunno... went to Daiso n Giant... woohoo! luckily, i manage to buy the bag @ mini toons... den we rushed home coz it almost time for them to go... after the went off, the house was lame... so sunyi... n i get bored... keep on doin my comp... n finally my frens ask me out for dinner... aiyah its only at clementi... yah me, fit, faz n nas... fun! eventhough upon meeting up with nas is making me restless... boring... emotionless... but towards the ending, i glad... coz i manage to talked things out with him... after all the petty, scolding, sarcastic words, we manage to pull through... so now i understand the situation much more better...no more paranoid... no more misunderstanding... no more negative thoughts... but only one i cant push aside for the moment... jus hooked to it by saying to him n make him feel irritated... hehehe...i wont say out his recent ex name... i simply have to say "tersayang"... hehehe.. fark... who cares! cant figure out for any better nick... *lol* sori dear...

on wednesday, i have to go for appointment... n yah i DUN NEED to see those doctor again... n i can wear contact lens again... but doctor advise me to take care of my lovely eyes... hehehehh... he jus gave me an open appointment... whereby anytime i can go n see them again... after that, i go n meet fit n faz again... intention to go n search for jobs.... BUT... in the end we jus chilled ard... but at the same time go look for it too la... we went for treading... we went to bugis... jus wen i was about to rest, i got to meet him... need to pass him the cd so that he can burn for me den's cd... wow! isnt it great to meet him...urgh!! love it!.. well he went off for soccer den i go n meet my friends again... heheheh they thought i'm lost... coz it took me one hour to reach there... y?i took 145... n that bus brought me for a tour... the moment i reached there, we proceed on with eating... damn! i'm totally hungry...*giggle* den waiting for oen of my fren couzin came over... then we proceed on to bugis street... oh yah... i got to meet my primary school mate, Shikin...damn! been a long time never saw her... we also manage to meet up with our secondary school junior, Fadlina... wel i dun understand with her saying "skula BI"... i mean ite clementi la... maybe BI stands for BITCH InSTiTUTE... *lol* k reach hoemwas lat... normal naggin from parents...

yesterday, i woke up early in the morning... noeing y?just for a body massage... n yah the thing was delay for the moment... so me n faz slack at coffee shop again... k the moment she come, we proceed on to her place for my massage... yah supposedly fit coming but cant make it coz have to meet up with the bf.... argh! nvm... yah i was 1/4 naked... for a moment i feel ashamed... but think again, used to it already... damn! the massage was great... whole body smells... the oil la... idiot! i'm going out after that... so the whole journey, my body smell of the oil... hehehehhe... paiseh seh... but nvm.. i cant do anything... yah before going down to town, we slacked again at the coffee shop... meet up with shasha... den ana... guez wat shocked my life... ana using the 6510... black color sumore... wow! does that rings any bells?... hello i used to have 6510... black color too... BUT she said thats her friend bought for her... soooo be it... i dun want to suspect any further... no point... hehehhe whole outing itself, i think i make ana pissed off... yah la, i all the way... "lat! eh lat!", "eh lat! butterfly! ko nak?". hhehehe never have i asked her... not being bias... but its my way anyway... so live with it la... damn! noe wat? my legs feel like want to break... damn! farking tired!... i go for the massage also make it feel more tired... haiz... fianlly we manage to reached home early... me the moment i reach home, i quickly take a bath... try to get rid of the smell after all the floral scent shampoo n shower foam... the smells still remain... damn! irritating smell!...

so till now la it still there... my body, no! but jus my hair... haiz... nvm... damn! i miss him... but after all i'm glad that he's still there to talk with me... at least, i manage to see some changes eversince the monday... not going to hope for more but i jus want to see... this sunday he cant go with me... yah this sunday i got kendarat... at su's brother wedding... i'm still wondering wat time i need to wake up... su ask me to stay overnite here, but thing again dun want ah... sure pack... sori su... maybe if i come down on saturday, i wont overnite...

oh yah, i heard ira manage to proceed on to the next round in ANUGERAH... congrats baby! n to hairil too! both of u good luck eh!...

i gues i've been writing alot... so let me stop here... nothing much to say... so enjoy listening to this songs... hehehhe take care... enjoy ur weekends... bye...

ok here i'm back again.... i love this layout.... so the nasty n sexy.... hehehe... wel i'm all well prepared for the upcoming problem... all i can say here is that i will put the past at the back n move on with life... i'll still wait for what i want... i'll never give up... i promise... so i gues i'm not going to express my feeling too much,... heheheh... too emotional rite!... k la... i'll keep u update....

The heart still cries though the eyes no more
The tears have dried but the heart still bleeds
Days that went by hold no significance
Night turns to day and day back to night
Day after day
Week after week
Months beginning to fly past

But the pain of it all
The agony
The hurt
Still feels
The heart still calls
The love still burns
The longing is ever so thirsty for a drop of love
Insanity surrounds
Lost in one's own sorrows
Killed by one's own feelings
Everything is now cold
Broken and cold
Cruelty has no pardons
It forgives no one
Inflicting itself upon others
Now she is one of them
One of them with no heart
One of them who only has cold ice in place of her heart
One of them who got killed in the fight

And now
She's on the other side
Sceptical, pessimistic, negative
The dark side has taken over
All because she was too naive
Too idealistic
She was blinded by that very idealism that she holds
But now
Her eyes are wide open
Opened to reality
And realism is nothing but the painful truth of life

I face the world with a smile, no one knows what is hid inside.
They see only happiness, they cant see the tears I've cried.
When I am alone I hurt, because here I do it well.
In front of all the watchful eyes my heaven turns to hell.
The judge and jury awaits me, everyone has a say.
In a life that hangs suspended for yet another day.
Who are they to judge if what I have done is right or wrong?
In the end I gave him up, but inside still sing his song.
I don't know how to find the strength I thought I had.
If only I could play tough it wouldn't be so bad.
They say that life goes on and someday I'll smile again.
But, how do they know my pain without being where I've been?
I've traveled so far from home, and can't find my way back.
Somewhere along the way I must have jumped the track.
I talked to him just today and his laugher is still the same.
He talked to me so sweetly, but never spoke my name.
I wonder if he think of me, It hasn't been that long.
He may have forgotten me, but I still sing his song.

yes! now its 2.30 in the morning.. n i'm here updating my blog... wel i've got nothing to do... seriously nothing... my mind is totally empty... n my mouth is out of words... i cant speak with my mind anymore... my heart... dun ask abt it... its dead... a long time ago.. always thot that it filled with love n happiness... but sad to say, it all a sweet for nothing memories...

i'm now not in a state of mind... n if sumhow my words in here is kind of ouch... please forgive me... i'm really sorry...

i'm wondering y do we have to lose the person we love in just split second... in a moment they r there, next u realise there r gone... even if the person is still alive, its totally nothing... like people sumtime says "so near yet so far" so now having the person so near in the country, yet i cant get to c them... i cant get to communicate with them properly... i cant get to express the feeling n thots like before...

i glad that the communication bt my parent is becoming better... now i manage to talked n laughed with my mum... my dad as always, i get to be the pamper dun bother daughter... n yah my friends, i gues soon to be gone.. one by one, we will start to fall apart... i do feel lucky wen some of them still manage to think of me or care abt me or contact me... but that will be the regulars... the rest too bz with their own life... haiz....

jus now when my friend asked me a question... i put it a bonus question... coz i didnt manage to answer.. "If u got to choose a friend to be by ur side..(urgh! i kind of forget in between it), who will it be? n y?" woow! i feel like in in a beauty contest seh.... k serious... at that moment the only person i could think of is actually him... coz for him we r only friends... but not for me, u people should noe how i treat him by now... n sad to say again, i cant put him in the list... next person on my mind is actually my close-frens... but i can't say it out too... all i manage to say is i want all... all of my friends... coz each n every one of them can make me happy with their laugher n smile... but if u were to change the question into "choose sumone to be by ur side...?" den i gues i will straight jet choose him... without any thinking or any consideration... isnt that wat i want for the start... hmmmm...

but wat to do people dun wanna try to understand how i feel inside... sumone dun want to open their eyes n see the surrounding... sumone dun want to appreciate what i've done for them all this while... all the sacrifice... all the effort.. all the time... everthing... i really hurt me to be in this state... putting a fake smile... telling a fake story.. making a fake laugher... it really hurt to be myself in this way again... the same old me again... say la i'm emotional... say la i dun try to understand the situation..say la i'm being ego... say la i'm selfish... say it all with all ur heart to make urself satisfide... all i can say it REALLY HURT ME SO... hurt to not hear ur laugher when it jus me n u... hurt to not see u for so many days... hurt to not make a smile on ur face... hurt for not getting a kiss from u.... hurt to get a respond like that... hurt to not even get a goodnite kiss... yah u once ask me, what do i get with jus a virtual goodnite kiss?... yah i dun get nting... not a single thing.. but u jus simply dun understand how important it is to me.. find it the lamest reason... be it... every single small part that u give or do, it just something important that can improve our relationship... u dunno that rite?... affection counts... communication counts... actions counts... every words counts... but u still dun wish to noe all this.. taking it as if its not important at all...

partly i'm dissapointed... for not being able to make u realise things around... for after 4-5 years... for not being able to make u realise that i'm the one... i gues wat i did was just to give u more n more support for the same old u... glad some part of it have change... i'm just making u more naive in love... making u more egoistic... making u becoming more blunt in saying words... making u more blind in the world of reality n love... making u only think of ur needs n desire even more... everthing is done for ur own sake... yes i noe by me saying all this can change ur mind in being with me... making u sick n tired of me... yah go ahead n do it, if u dun have the heart... all this thing doesnt seems to matter to me... i'm well prepared to face all this... i'm bare to face the reality if ur not meant for me... i'm bare to risk my own happiness for this... coz for now,i'm totally hurt n dissapointed in u.... things have change... its either me who change or you who change... totally... the change is just the same like before... n tats y i say i can bare with it... argh! i dunno... maybe having this song played also means nothing... ermmmm... jus like the title of the song... i dunno how u understand with Kaulah Segalanya.... yah ur true in saying that we r in two different world... our princip in life is totally different... rite?... haizzzz.... i'm totally out of words... i noe u'll think me doing this jus want to bring u shame... make people think bad of u... but i totally cant help it... everything means nothing now... everythings seems to be gone... how to bring it back?... the answer is with u... same goes the key to my heart is still in ur hand... so think abt it... if u still want to... *sob sob*

i guess for rite now, i'm going to leave all of u... i cant carry on doing this.. my tears cant stop falling... i'm going for along break.. wat hiatus?... maybe ah... let me ease my mind, my heart... just let me find my true self again... i noe some will put a smile on their face to read my entry this way... be it... its time for u to have the joy for this... jump up n down with full of happiness... i gues nobody even care with the lost of me... i'm nobody rite?

You asked for my patience
I gave it to you
My love and respect
I gave you that too

You asked me to wait
For you and your love
I promised I would
What choice did I have?

Someday, you said
Someday I'll see
When we are together
How much you love me

So I sat and I waited
Day after day
For you and your love
To at last come my way

For the promises and dreams
You instilled in my heart
To come true and to pass
And to not fall part

But with each day that passes
You are still like before
And here I sit knowing
The waiting days is becoming even more

My dreams remain waiting
Upon distant shores
My soul remains searching
My heart still remains yours

My love and respect
You'll have them your way
Even now that I know
Someday, is still a long way.


Dear, this poem is for u... the patience is still surviving... the love is eternally there for u... the respect has changed it ways... i dun noe how to let u know that i'm here for u... i'm here to love u... i'm here to care for u... i'm here to do anything just for u... i dun care what happened in the past.. i dun care who u have been with.. i dun care what changes u have made... all i need is to have u by my side... i need for all my life... you may not be special to the other but u r always be the special n precious one for me.... i love u with all my heart... i just wish that u can be mine once again... i'm willing to go thru any obsticles with u... for better or for the worst, i will always love u till the end of time...

hmmmm wat a day today.... holiday.. n yet i'm stuck at home... with my nyai again... my mum now is picking up my niece... yah she will be sleeping here for three days... damn! was that suppose to be a practice... heheheh... wateva... but i gues my family will be going out this weekend holiday... maybe going zoo n escape themepark... hehehhe...

today i'm like so helpful... wateva my mum says i'll follow... asking me to clean the toilet, i do it... vacuum the house, i do it... wateva la... i like maid today.. hehehe... n yah i'm kind of upset... y?... my anklet lost... the silver ankle that my mum bought for me... haiz.... now left with one anklet n that was on my right leg... haiz... i miss the sound of loudest bell anklet... k wateva...

yesterday nite, i had one hell of a fun time talking with him n faz.... heheheh... gues wat he did... he record our conversation den we listen to it again... it was fun... really fun.. i cant stop laughing... with him talking crappy... n plus some of his word being jumble up... hehehehe... add up all, its hilarious...

now i think again abt the so called problem that i had... i gues it all just me who think abt it too much... it all not worth after all... nothing going to change... no matter wat i do, thing will still be the same way it used to be... wel i expect already expet all this thing... y not?... the same old thing have been happening for three times... n yah.. if i can do it last time, y cant i do it now... n way, i cant follow my own way... coz i gues the more i be in this state, the more he will give up... so be it... i gues i'll just go with the flow... noe it hard to do so... but i just have to do it for the sake of loving him... yes! i'm willing to do anything to be with him... even if i have to sacrifice my destiny or goal... sound stupid... but i gues everyone who r in love with sumone so deeply willing to sacrifice anything rite just to be with them.... so we'll just c how's the progress... hmmmm....

i confirm going to expo n watch my darling, Hazrul Nizam, performing... at the same time i'm want to c ira modeling for this bridal shop... hmmm... i gues she must be pretty... even if i'm going alone, i dun care.. i'll still go... wel i did asked him, but he say c how... like i said i'll only ask him once... i asked him before so now up to him to confirm with me... i dun want to ask coz i gues the outcome will be different... rather being down, i gues i dun want to hope... haixzzzzzz *deep sigh*

k now i kind of just got back from meeting my two close gerl fren... faz n fit... hmmmm... listen to their stories... make me think again... yah i kind of thinking that i got prob rite... but sumhow i think again... my problem rite now is not as worst as theirs... haiz...

i dunno la.... having talking to him rite now... can make me happy at times... but there's still some unhappy part... haiz... i gues he still dun wan to meet me... fine i dun want to force him again... for now on, i'm going to asked him one time only... no point asking so many times yet the answer still the same... haiz..... so be it...

i'm tired rite now... bye... n btw... happy holiday to all... HAPPY GOOD FRIDAY....

hmmm... surprise to hear this kind of song... wel yah i'm kind of emotional here... i'm sori... i really miss him... eventhough only a few days... n been always talking on the phone... hearing his voice never been enough... I WANT TO SEE HIM!I MISS HIM! I NEED HIM! I REALLY DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lots of things been up on my mind... the four wives n one husband question... why, what, when, where n how... i dunno wats up with me lately... feeling lonely? as always... feeling neglacted? kind of... feeling hurt? everyday... feeling confused? YUP.... everything is out of control, i gues... i dunno what i have done wrong till all of this stupid feeling come back to me again... i'm not crazy to change my feeling unconstantly... there must be sumthing that have happen that didnt satisfide my desire... ouch my heart ... weaken my strength ...

never have i thought that i could shed a tears for him again?... never have i thought that i could feel the hurt again?... i always been thinking that i'm not going to cry for him anymore... not going to take things too seriously... not to even have the feeling of hurt... been always thinking that i'm strong with or without him.... but too bad, i'm still weak when it come to a matter with him... everthing was wrong...

yah maybe i'm just being carried away by my stupid feeling inside... maybe i'm being possessive... make it similiar to people, i'm PARANOID... *frown* argh! i dunno... things happen in just a split second... one moment we can be loving, the other moment we can be like stranger... hmmmm...

frankly, there's been alot of thing that i follow his words... n lots of thing i've been hiding from u people... especially my frens... seeing me as happy as a kid... enjoying myself with the surronding... laughing n pampering n flirting with people... but not a single one who could eventually look into my eyes n see what happening in my heart... people see the smile not the eyes... thats where nobody always think i'm happy as i can be... n yah people, i've been only telling u the happy part of me n him... i havent told u abt the ouch part...

yah i'm a good actress... gd pretender.. gd liar... gd faker... gd talker... gd in everything la... agree?... hmmmm... i dunno... now let me tell u all this... i TOTALLY SICK N TIRED of the same condition over again... having me always been wanting to take care of his reputation n status... n yet i'm suffering... i 've been too concern towards him till i didnt pay attention to my own needs... keep on conviencing myself that it all worth... conviencing that it is all coming back... but would it be fair if i'm the one who have been putting all the effort to improve the relationship since day one?... always been me who have been searching for him?... thick up my skin to ask him without shame...

just one thing that i dun understand rite now... having he's single rite now... no longer with her... BUT Y?... he still preventing everything from revealing... what he's still scared of?... her?... himself?... his family?.. his friends?... wat else... he make me stop from doing thing that r right.. n yet make me fake everything out of it... k fine i understand that he too tired of being in love... but is it wrong to even tell me whats on his mind or in his heart?... i'm confused... i'm MUTE... lost for words...

haiz... wel i noe he's going to be reading this... i going to say this... I'M SORRY (x million)... i noe by me doing this, i make u feel ashamed... as u always says... but i cant help it by feeling this way... i noe u did nothing wrong... u'r the innocent one, remember? its just me who keep on feeling this way... i noe u'r trying to not give me hope... i noe that from the start... but i gues u didnt realise what u'vr done indirectly... now i dunno wat to do next... to be like u, to just sit n wait for thing to come to you... i gues i'm not like that... i cant... but to just leave it hanging just like that without being unattended, i scared it will lost it way home... n yah i cant leave it all to you, coz u will be saying "Yah come n go, it will still have be me..." so i gues i just have to see abt it... go with the flow? maybe... or maybe i'll carry on with what i've been doing... n u can keep on closing ur eyes... things can just come ur ways, rite?.... *deep deep sigh*

I'M SORRY ONCE AGAIN

yah now me at home.. slack like hell... boring u noe... after skul, we waited for the boys to finish their sepak takraw training... fun la... n yah i had another yogurt ice-cream... hehehe...

su, i noe how it feels like to have sumone u hate rite in front of ur eyes... n its never been easy to forgive after wat had happened... wel relax la... in wateva situation, we r still here to help... dun be sad or angry about it... coz it wont bring u to anywhere... n btw i took the same bus as the pathetic looking bitch.... hehehe... she did look at me.. but as u noe wen i'm alone, i always put on a step face... hehehe.. alah chill ah....

after the thing itself... i had fun with my fren... wel yah i get irritated wen people kol me specky or quacky repeatedly... haiz... but wat to do... have to bare with it... way back... qush saw me grumbling... non-stop... heheheh.. cant help it... den they make me smile sumhow... n now i'm ok la... haiz.... i miss him... really do... damn! i'm hungry... been eating alot lately... n getting fatter ... damn it! i need to slim down... wanna go gym ah... since nobody wanna go with me... den i gues i'll go alone... tak leh harap nye cheetah...

hi... now i'm in skul... doing nothing... btw.. jus now there's a Mr n Miss ITE CLEMENTI Glamourous.... damn! ok la... not bad!... one of our malay student won the mr ITE Clementi... hehehhe... congrats... after that, i treat the guys with yogurt ice-cream... yah we got this mini pasar malam... haiz.... one of the cloth, i feel like buying... a peach color tank top with QUEEN design in the middle... nice!... haiz.... but never mind dun want to spend to much... save up babe!...

chill at the canteen... yah this part i kind of blushed... they purposely make me feel uneasy... qush kol said n ask to sit beside me... damn! i malu tau!... qush tell him abt takraw... n towards the ending, i burst out my drink... heheheh... all of a sudden, after he walked off, i feel the heat all over me... urgh! *melting* surprise to noe that he noe i like him... oteh! haiz... paiseh gile seh!... like i say wen i like sumone, i like them from far... tak mau heboh la... *giggle*

yah yesterday itself... i was kind of not satisfide... abt wat, i wont mention... its just towards the ending... haiz..... once again, just sori... jus carried away by feelings... argh!

wel i'm here at home jus got back an hour ago with my mum... yah i went out with her... as usual to buy my facial product... i'm trying on a new product... coz my pervious product is almost finish... so trying aKne... i dunno whether its good or nt.. never heard of it before... thought of buying other brand, end up buying other brand... haiz... yah btw my mum bought for me an evening dress... it sold seperately... i love the top only... but end up buying the black skirt too... haizzzz....

now my mind is being disturd again... abt wat.. i dunno... maybe him... maybe other stuff... maybe its just my feelings... i dunno... yah yesterday my friend did ask a bonus question... WHAT IF HE WILL END UP WITH SUMONE ELSE?.. wow! the answer is I DUNNO... I'M GOING TO BE MUTE THIS TIME... if thing were to happen la... if not, i'll be grateful... but haiz... i dunno... i can't rush things out... i cant be wanting everything to follow my way... i cant be demanding anymore... enough with the three traumatise life i had before... enough with everything... i dun want to force anything... no point forcing if people still not following.. no point talking if people still dun want to listen... so be it...

rite now, the thought of being with him have change... i'm not as excited as before... not as loving as before... not as joyful anymore... i dunno... not becoz of the bonus question... but i just dunno... this is wat i hate... the fellings is playing hide n seek with me... come wen the person is gone... go wen the person is next to me... I HATE MYSELF for being in this way... AAARRRGGGGHHHHHHHH! *shout*

fine let put this aside... i cant be thing too much abt it... wel unbelievable news... my dad cook today... hehehhe... yup... he's a good cook... i love him cooking than my mum... hahahah... k la both also nice la... hmmmmm... i gues the food is waiting for me... so better i stop here... or not i'll go craving for my dad's cooking... bye...

P/S: dear, i'm sori... really sori...

hi i'm here in my claz... doing ITF project... yah working on my web site using front page... damn! kind of boring actually...

yesterday, we had a conference... talk as pernormal... yah like lalat said, we did have some talk.. n usual nas was sleeping wen it come to heart topic...yah she told me what she feel n think... haiz... it wasnt easy to put words into her head... hehehe... everybody being stubborn... hehehe... but after the talking, i felt relieve...

good that she manage to think positively now... n yah girl, you SHOULD be VERY FORTUNATE that the problem that u r going thru is not as WORST as mine... n wondering how i can survive this far... willing to stay on... everything is becoz of my believe... my fate... my love... cant deny, it never been an easy task to go thru all this... so believe in urself still k... u noe urself better, rite?

even now i dunno where i stand... i got to force myself thinking that its not a hope from him... eventhough sometime i wish for it... haiz.... maybe i just have to be like him.... just leave everything to GOD.... hmmmmm.... *deep sighs*

/edit wild wild west! hehehhe! nah! btw i'm in BSA class... yah the only lesson i come for today... last two period... the leson before, i spent my time at home... sleeping.. bathing... changing... ironing cloth... eating... walking ard wondering wat to do... yah last before i go off, i kol him... *wink*

now in clas left me, shira, ira, den n ashraf + the rest of chinese student... teacher never come... so we have 2hr of free period... haiz...

lately, my back hurts... dunno due to wat... but yesterday itself, my back was like a pregnant woman who suffer with backache... yah la i noe i got backbone problem... but this is worst seh... i cant rest properly... can't sit properly... cant even sleep peacefully yesterday...

i didnt get to talk to him yesterday at nite... coz i was watching KULIAH CINTA... haiz.. cant believe it that the story line is exactly like Kuch Kuch Hota Hai... yah i agree with him... towards the ending is very the romantic... i love it.. just the ending... hmmm...

i'm bored la... i want to go out... n now the stupid farking teacher, Aslina, come in... fucker! i hate that teacher... ARGH!

can someone please tell me wats wrong with mseals?... the moment i go to my webby, there' no music... argh!.. so decided to change the song n pic again... haiz... troublesome... finally here's the result... Running by No Doubt... hehehe... like so the touching rite?... urgh! who cares!... n yah i've add more stuff... add the lcd clock... words from me... no right click la... lots of thing la.... hehehhe... *grin* this is wat always happen wen i got nothing to do at home n keep on sitting in front of the comp...

today, hmmmmmm... nothing much... wake up ard 1... rite on the dot wen hindustan starts.... hehehe.. k i did do some talking with mum... asking this n that... but not like last time la... damn! i keep on eating... after bath, eat fried rice... one hour later eat rice n some dishes... damn! adding more fats... NOOOOOOOO!... got to diet... *wink* watch the hindustan... ok la... towards the ending was kind of funny... i laughed my hearts out... imagine! the heroin was at the hero, childhood lover, wedding place... she grab his hand n starts to turn ard thefire place for 7 round ... den the heroin dad dun like her marrying to the hero... due to maintain his status n reputation... den he took out a gun... they stop turning... den everybody look... slowly one by one starts to block them... after all the blocking, the hero was being shoot... *lol* the other part was that... in the operation room, the hero was not given the oxygen mask... after all the cutting n taking out of the bullet, den they give him the oxygen mask... by then, his life is towards the ending... n yah they didnt cover it properly... supposedly, its from the middle chin to the nose rite!.. but yet they put it middle of the mouth to upper... stupid! den he died... but surprisingly, wen the heroin enter with the stature of their god n put it rite on his chest, he suddenly fleshed back everything... n was alive again... auta keling betul....! with the chest not being saw up after taking out the bullet, he hug the heroin... the end... idiot! funny show! unbelievable!... haiz... *lol*

i chat with his sister... surprise... yah me too... i tot at first, we wont be talking that much... but after all ok la... fun! chat till their parent come back... after that, me sitting infront here doing the changing.. damn! i'm tired.. my parents not home... they went out... dunno go where... i only ask them to buy for me PEACH TEA... hmmm... i've been craving for a lot of stuff... dunno y?... haizzzz.....

wow! i love in love with DIRTY DANCING... i changed the pic in the middle n the background song... hehehe... i'm so happy... like all of a sudden, i fall in love again... wateva sri! keep on dreaming! *lol*

Being wake up early in the morning forced to do my dad's qoutation... argh! hate it! coz one thing my dad's handwriting is worst than doctor's handwriting... so imagine how bad it is!...

meet up with my darling... yah that x of mine... not yet my official lover... jus a normal relation.... where i met him? singapore... hehhe... like duh! i noe, he noe, public dun need to noe... heheheh.... k carry on sri!... after meeting we went to meet lalat... it was nas idea... finally they meet up... after all the nas saying that its been a long time he never meet her... oteh! nothing much... normal thingy happen... @ lalat place... we slacked ard... eat.. hehehe... it seems like a normal habit we, questian, do... sit in front of the comp... looking at certain website... watched certain movie... n yah nas fall asleep while watching... after the movie itself, we went into the room... lie down on the bed... looking at certain album... after all that, we went back home... yah me n nas...

way back was kind of lame for me... i really took a LONG journey back... i can like take 198 from the opposite but instead i took the same bus with him... drop at c'wealth... crossed over n take 105 to clementi... jus becoz i want bubble tea n takopachi... idiot!... in the bus, kind of scary sitting beside unorganised bus driver.. damn! the way he look at me... wow! goosebumps!.. took bus 99 at clementi... way back home, irriating... too noisy... too everything... walking back, damn! the cloud is damn fucking dark... yah obviously going to rain... but too bad never...

mum was at home... n me straight away watched the EXPOSE n MISS SINGAPORE UNIVERSE.... ok la the outcome itself was a ok... i love the question section... damn! wat a stupid question that is being asked?... i laughed wen mark lee asked the first question... n the rest of it was kind of crappy to asked all that questions... kind of surprise of the result.. but fine with me...

damn! i'm tired... suddenly moody... but listening to the song, changed my mood abit...

As Days Flew By

The very first time I saw you,
Was special how we met.
You took me by complete surprise.
I knew my heart was set.

As days flew by, we talked again,
But you never seemed to care.
I tried my best to help you out,
By a favor here, or a favor there.

Although I made a fast approach,
Our friendship grew and grew.
I realized how deep I cared,
But the feeling I felt was new.

In time I became attached to you.
From a hug, I wouldn't let go.
I soon saw how close we were,
And the feeling was good to know.

For you, I wrote sweet letters and songs.
You were on my mind all day.
The thought of sleeping was nowhere near,
Unless I knew you were okay.

It hit me then, what I was in -
A unique and precious love.
For the person I said was only mine,
Was an angel sent from above.

The minutes without you turned into days,
And the seconds with you flew fast.
I could only wish to see you more,
And make each moment last.

The times I spent with you,
Were what made my heart complete.
I knew one thing for sure,
Without you, my future was obsolete.

And now, we love just the same,
As it doubles day by day.
I stare deep into your precious eyes,
Yet I'm still speechless to what I should say.

With you, I'm in a whole new world.
You bring out the best in me.
It's hard to picture you not there,
When you taught me who to be.

Yes, the road ahead gets hard,
When things may only seem rough.
But because you and I try so much,
We'll stay strong and get by tough.

Though problems may lie ahead someday,
And either of us could be right;
I promise to always be by your side,
And I promise my heart, so hold it tight.

And so, each night, beside my bed,
When there's only bright stars to see;
I pray that we may never give up,
And will always remain you and me.

again this poem for him... wel i noe u dun like to read poems or long entry.. but dun care... btw! i just feel like saying this...

I LOVE YOU MORE EACH N EVERYDAY

yes! i've never been going to skul for two days... yesterday n today... i've been going out with my fren... job-hunting... chit-chatting... slacking... damn! nothing better to do... yesterday, i went out with lat to GREAT WORLD CITY... den meet up with her couzins... after that meet up with the rest of our frenz in town... been a long time siak!... we chilled ard at Taka garden... take pictures... sing song... like as if we r in a group like LIBERTY X... hahahah...*big laugh*... but over-all fun.. totally fun.. with jafri n saiful singing... damn! the cloud form so nicely above us... my hearing seems so clear... my heart melts for that moment... day-dreaming... thining if only i got a guy who can sing me off to sleep with their voice... wow! heaven!..

today, i wne tout with lat again.. to clementi to bukit batok to clementi again... ehehhehe... jus chilled ard... nothing better things to do.. wel actually lat thot of buying a new phone.. SAMSUNG X430... under M1 line... but too bad, she's not yet 21... whereby she can have multi-line by tat age... so nothing much.. n yah i noe words tat i said have been jumble-up.. hahaha... tunggang terbalik siak... wel i got home early... n my mum bought some food... but i never eat... coz i've eaten before going back... watched the FAME.. damn! its good... i gues better than AMERICAN IDOLS...

now i'm kind of pissed off with sumthing... sumthing that have been disturbing my mind... yah i hide everything... my feelings n thots from everybody... but i gues soon this frustration will explode by itself... i gues by then i'll be out of control... that where i gues my feelings reveal... soon i'll write it down for some people to put it in their mind...